


Worst. Day. Ever.

by yoursourwolfisshowing



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: ALL THE DRY HUMPING, F/M, M/M, Spideypool - Freeform, talks of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 17:02:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoursourwolfisshowing/pseuds/yoursourwolfisshowing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Peter had to put this on his top 10 worst days ever, today would be number 1. He lost his girlfriend, he still had to beat up the bad guys, and to top it all off, Wade Wilson liked annoying him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worst. Day. Ever.

Peter sighed as he pulled on his mask while sliding out of his second story window. Thank God that Aunt May didn’t mind him doing spidey stuff. It had been a tough week. Final exams, baddies popping up left and right, and to top it off, Gwen dumped him saying something about how Peter “cared more about the city than her.” Yeah, okay, I’d give my life for either of them, he thought as he flew from building to building. Both, why can’t he have both?

“Both is unreasonable, webhead. Jeez man. I thought you were like the next Tony Stark or something.” With that said, Wade dropped onto Peter’s back, “WOO-HOO!”

Startling a bit, Peter forgot to click his web shooter in time. After falling several feet he threw out another web and slung him and the nuisance onto the top of a building. “What the hell Wade?! Seriously! You could have killed both of us!” 

Rolling off of Peter’s back, Wade laid on the gravel of the building. “Well 1. I can’t die that I know of. 2. I was just trying to cheer you up. 3. If it makes you feel better I’ve taken care of all the robberies so you could have the day off.”

“So the death toll went up?”

“Oh come on! I’m not that bad. I stole your spare web shooters and did a Spidey special on them!”

Peter banged his head on the concrete. He was so over Wade and his shenanigans. Over it. “If this is supposed to be making me feel better you’re doing terribly.”

Wade clapped Peter on the back. “I’m terrible at almost everything! Now c’mon, you crashed landed on my building. Let me show you where the magic happens! I have leftover tacos!” Peter didn’t look convinced. “And vodka?”

“Ugh, fine. I just want to sleep and never wake up. Maybe if you let me drink you out of house and home that will happen. You’re going to have to drag me though because I’m not leaving from this spot.”

“Well if you insist, fair maiden!” Wade yanked Peter up and threw him over his shoulder. Grinning maniacally Wade pinched Peter’s butt all the while ignoring his yells. He jogged down the stairs to his apartment, waving when he saw his next-door neighbor. “Evenin’ Ethel! I’d stay to chat and have cookies, but I have a hot date!” 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

Peter groaned. “This is ridiculous. If anything you’re making my day worse. This is the worst day ever. Ever.”

Kicking his door open, Wade spun in a circle and dropped Peter on his couch. Contrary to popular belief, Wade had nice stuff in his house… it was just stolen from other people and he was a messy person. That being said, he had thrown Peter on week old laundry. “How could I make your day worse? It sounds like you had a shitty day all by yourself.”

“And how would you know?”

“I heard your girlfriend breaking up with you.” Walking into the kitchen, Wade pulled out ten tacos. Two for Petey, eight for him, which was gracious since Peter was a guest. Grabbing a bottle of hot sauce he wandered back into the living room plopping on the couch while shoving clothes off with his foot. “Truth be told though, I don’t think that was the real reason. I quite remember her going to see that jerk named Flash. Whatta douche!”

Peter sighed and buried his face into what appeared to be a dirty shirt. Smelled like… apple cider and vanilla. Whatever. He was over it. Over her. Over life. “Wade, you’re lucky you can’t die,” he whispered tears leaking onto his mask. “Ugh.” Taking off his mask, Peter threw it across the room.

“I’m not as lucky as you think, asswipe. I want to die. I’ve tried every single way. I’ve taken a bath in acid for Pete’s sake. Ha! You see what I did there? I made a pun with your name!” Wade grinned and waited for Peter to punch him.

“Stop! I’m trying to mope and you won’t let me! Why are you even doing this?”

“Well, I consider you a friend. Or something like that. I’m not good with sappy stuff. I think somewhere in that is a ridiculous rule about letting your friends eat ice cream or some shit when they’re feeling bad, but I don’t have ice cream. Only tacos.” Wade picked up a taco and loaded it up with an ungodly amount of hot sauce. “Dig in, man. I was nice and saved you a few. Shit, forgot drinks. Give me a second.”

“No you stay. I’ll get them.” Peter got up and walked towards the kitchen and returned a minute later with a bottle of Absolut. “Didn’t see any of your house besides the couch; thought I’d give myself a tour.”

“You’re surprisingly sassy for someone depressed.”

Peter walked to the couch and sat down on it folding himself into Wade’s side and grabbed the taco out of Wade’s hand. Stuffing it in his mouth he mumbled around it. “Best. Taco. Ever.”

Wade shrieked and tackled Peter to the floor ignoring the crash of the drink. “That’s it, Parker! To steal a man’s taco is to steal his lift!” Lightly punching Peter in the stomach he whined, “Give it baaaack! That was my baby! My baby taco… gone. Don’t worry baby, I’ll be back to get you!” 

“I will never return it! Finder’s keepers!”

“Fine, I’ll just sit on you forever til you rot and die.”

Crossing his arms, Peter stuck his tongue out. “Challenge accepted, Wadey.”

Wade crossed his arms mimicking Peter’s pose and put his feet on top of Peter’s chest. “I hope you like the smell of feet, bitch.” 

Peter’s face scrunched up and he moved to shove Wade’s feet off of him. “You have to fight fair!” 

Wade smirked. “Fine. I’ll fight fair.” Shifting, he laid on top of Peter instead. It wasn’t any secret that he liked both men and women, and Peter was attractive so it wasn’t like he minded. He had planned tonight to get Peter drunk enough to kiss him. 

“I don’t think this is fighting fair,” Peter whined and wriggled under Wade. Okay, no, bad idea, bad idea. Wade was buff and oh god, just gorgeous, even under the suit. 

“I don’t know, Petey. Seems fair enough to me.”

“If you want it to be fair, then take off your mask,” Peter challenged.

Wade stiffened. “Fine.” With one smooth pull his mask was off and across the room. He stared at Peter waiting for a reaction, but there wasn’t one. Peter just sat there. “Uh, hello? You in there webhead?”

“Oh my god. You are such a fucking liar. You aren’t disgusting. What the hell is wrong with you? You’re gorgeous, scars and all.”

“You try’na flirt with me, mister?”

Peter smirked and raised his hips and bumped them against Wade’s. “Maybe. Maybe not.” 

Oh this was good. This was definitely good. Wade leaned down and lightly sucked on Peter’s neck. Kissing up his jaw, Wade finally got to his target: Peter’s lips. “You have one chance to say no.”

Peter exhaled slowly. “You aren’t just trying to cheer me up this way, right? You aren’t going to push me away afterwards or anything?”

“Fuck no. If I do this with you, I’ll stick with you for as long as you want.”

“Well that’s a good enough answer for me.” Peter grabbed Wade’s neck and brought him in for a kiss. It was sloppy and full of teeth and Jesus, it was everything he wanted and more from Wade. Hands roaming they landed on Wade’s butt and gripped it, slowly grinding against Wade and moaning.

If Peter wanted to just dry hump, that was fine with Wade. Shit, he had imagined this situation hundreds of times, but it was nothing like the real thing. Nothing ever was. Wade returned to Peter’s neck sucking harshly this time and biting into it sure to leave a mark. “Nobody else marks you like I do.” Wade picked up the pace and pressed himself onto Pete’s erection. “Nobody.”

Peter threw his head back giving Wade more access to his neck. “…ah! No, nobody. Just you, Wade. Just you. Always you.” He was thrusting his hips erratically up against Wade. “Fuck, I… ah! I can’t last much longer you jerk.”

“Just give in.” Wade slid a hand between them and stroked Peter through his suit. Goddamn, Peter was so sexy with red lips and when he was panting. 

At Wade’s touch, Peter lost it. He thrust up and few more times and came with a yell, “Fuck! Wade!” Collapsing back on the floor he groaned. “…that was embarrassing and now my costume is all ruined.”

“Well at least you seem to be happier now?” Wade slid off of Peter and laid beside him, fingers running up and down his side. He didn’t need to come. Hell, he could probably think about this for days and come just thinking about it. 

“I guess. You’re such a jerk.”

“What?! Why? If I seem to remember I just dry humped you into an orgasm, you bitch.” Turning to the side he mumbled, “Last time I try to cheer Spideybitch up again. Give a person your dick and they steal your soul.”

Peter laughed and slid behind Wade pulling the zipper on his suit. “I mean, you’re a jerk because you didn’t let me do anything to you.”

“…Oh.”

Peter pressed a kiss to Wade’s bare back. “Yeah. ‘Oh.’” 

“Call your darling Auntie. Tell her you’re having a sleepover.”


End file.
